it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
