Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
