It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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