Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize