Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
