a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
