On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
