i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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