No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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