Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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