I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
