the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
