ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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