could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
