People in love make me want to vomit
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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