I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize