You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
