I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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