You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
