My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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