i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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