I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
