You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
