Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize