Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
