i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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