Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
