all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
