I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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