Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
