Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
