And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
