It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ugly people sure do ruin things
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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