peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
