we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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