I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize