do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
