my mouth tastes like poor choices
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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