dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
