Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
