so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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