the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
