I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
