I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize