You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
