his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
