I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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