I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
