Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh god it's open bar.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize