can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
