we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
