I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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