you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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