I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ketchup is God's man juice
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
