you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
