I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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