There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
