You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
