the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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