Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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