I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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