I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize