so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
being pregnant is like rehab
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
