Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
