I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
