I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
