Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just cut my nipple shaving
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
