My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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