I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
