are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
