thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
