if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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