dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize