For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
