we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
