I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
