Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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