My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
