I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
