Christians are straight up FREAKS
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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