My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hippo gnu deer
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
